regrets of the dying

This post is going to be as heavy as the title suggests. I know, death is not the most cheerful topic, but it's just one of those life experiences that everyone has to deal with. You can't escape it, so you might as well learn how to prepare yourself for it, whether it be your own death or that of a loved one.


Sarah Wilson recently posted on her blog a list of the top five things that people on their deathbeds say they regret most. This list came from an Australian woman who worked in healthcare & spoke with many people that were entering the last stages of their lives. Here's what she found out:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

This past year has been sort of a whirlwind for me. I've been in the "real world" for over a year now & I really am starting to feel more & more like an adult. I realize that I am still very young & I have plenty of time to act careless & immature & still somewhat get away with it, but I do find myself thinking about my future more & more. I'm not gonna lie, most of the time when I think about my future it just leaves me feeling very lost & slightly nervous. When I look at the list of life regrets above, it makes me think that those should be my ultimate to-do list for my future. I just need to remove all the "I wish that's" & make sure that I live a life true to myself, not work so hard, express my feelings, stay in touch with my friends, & let myself be happy. I know right now that I don't do all of those things as well as I should.


What about you? Do you think these are valid regrets? Can you think of any others to add to that list? Do you think I'm completely morbid?

PS. This post reminds me of Days With My Father. Have you ever visited the site. It's beautiful in the saddest way possible.